WWE Officially Announces the Roman in the Bank Briefcase

Roman Reigns looking at the Universal Title...longingly. Courtesy of the WWE.

By Matthew Klink (@klinkmatt)

6/18/2018

After a hard fought battle against some of the toughest, earnest, hardened and conniving opponents the WWE has to offer, Braun Strowman continued his ascension to main event status by earning another victory in a marquee WWE match, the Money in the Bank ladder match.

Braun’s victory means a certain end to Brock Lesnar’s title run…eventually. I can only assume that after much ado was made about Seth Rollins defending his Intercontinental Title across the pond, that Brock Lesnar is traveling vast measurements of space to prove his worth against alien races. I can’t imagine any planet being able to come up with a beast large enough to topple Brock, so I’ll assume those title defenses will be and have been successful.

Unfortunately, Brock’s 10 Earth defenses have left fans of the WWE starving for a new champion who will do a few more battles domestically. That fact is why I think we are all excited at the notion of Braun Strowman being the victor in last night’s big ladder match. We definitely can expect Braun to win the title, regardless of the situation. Even if Brock isn’t completely incapacitated, Braun’s massive chesticles will be able to hold Brock to the mat for the 1, 2, 3.

As the Money in the Bank PPV ended, I began searching my mind for how things could go astray from this point. I looked to my fiancé and said “SummerSlam should be actually be pretty good,” as I surmised the future feuds of Lesnar, AJ Styles, Carmella, Alexa Bliss, and other possibilities. It all just…seems too good. When will the other shoe drop? How could the WWE ruin this for us?

To fix the problem of the fans enjoying their champion and their unhealthy obsession with adults tossing each other around the squared circle, the WWE announced the Roman in the Bank. The GMs of both Raw and Smackdown have been given an opportunity to make title matches boring and burn out the lung capacity of their respective ‘booing’ fan bases. The notion that both Raw and Smackdown have champions that the fans love is causing confusion and loss of morale in the WWE’s creative unit. Therefore, a solution was crafted in an effort to stifle fan appreciation.

The Roman in the Bank will allow GMs to place Roman Reigns into any title feud immediately. Forget the long gone days of seeing a certain superstar get hate booed out of a building in hopes of seeing that superstar get re-branded into something else! Nope! That superstar can now be continuously trotted out to tear down the heroes, bury the villains, and ensure we’re never happy with Raw’s Heavyweight Champion.

Let’s say the fans are too eager to see Brock Lesnar lose the title and now you’ve given the Money in the Bank briefcase to a beloved monster in the ring. How do you destroy the fans supposed glee and replace it with grief? Cash in the Roman in the Bank! Send Roman to the ring! Greased up and “OOOOOOAAAAAAA”-ing his way to his signature, defining finishers. He’ll knock that fan favorite to the ground and give the fans something to scream about!

Now, I don’t want you making too many assumptions here. If it’s called a Roman in the Bank, you might think it works just like the Money in the Bank contract. A once a year attempt for the GMs to “right the ship”. You would be wrong in that assumption! Here’s how it works:

First of all, it can be used on any title. While one might argue that the Money in the Bank can be cashed in on any title (like the IC strap or the Cruiserweight Championship), it is most assuredly, always cashed in on a heavyweight title. That changes now! The Roman in the bank can (and should) be used on the US title, the Tag Titles, the North American NXT title, and yes…both the Universal Title and WWE Championship.

Roman is good for holding any championship around that armor cladded waist. There isn’t a piece of gold he shouldn’t be holding at any moment anyways. Make it easy for the GMs, I say. Roman’s big enough to hold those tag titles all by himself.

Secondly, the one-time use is now a thing of the past. Think of this as the “Free Popcorn” coupon you print out from your local movie theater’s website. A new Avenger’s movie is coming out? We’ve got eight people going together? Alrighty! Throw eight sheets of paper into the printer! Same thing for the WWE GMs. No title is safe on any night. Roman is good for about four championships at one time, but don’t count on that stopping the WWE GMs. Test the limits of that man! See how much physical pain he can take along with the mental side. As we all know, the WWE Universe hates to keep their opinions to them self. See: this article.

The final and most important piece of the Roman in the Bank is to make sure you never try to stomp out your imagination. Let’s say Roman has all of the titles, but you still feel a Roman in the Bank could be used for another situation. Maybe Drew McIntyre is getting too hot and the fans are starting to appreciate all that he can do in the ring. I say…we cash in a Roman in the Bank!

In probably the most innovative use of the Roman in the Bank is using it to bury other pro wrestlers on the roster. It’s not like we need em anyways! Roman can take any superstar down a couple pegs with a spear and Superman punch quicker than I pickle spear and scoop of Superman ice cream. Brain freezes aside, I can do so fairly quickly. We all know that pesky Daniel Bryan is going to return to the Raw roster one day. Well! Put that little Billy Goat in his place! Smash him with a Roman in the Bank!

The Roman in the Bank has secretly been used for years now, but the WWE finally decided it was time to make it a part of the show. Just like when they showed us all a bingo cage that would put together a perfect Royal Rumble every year, the Roman in the Bank will give us a more transparent look at the inner-workings behind the scenes. After all, if they can find a way to put it on screen, they can also find a way to package one and sell it (which I’ll be first in line!)

I hope you’ll all join in my excitement of the official announcement of the Roman in the Bank and all of the fan…reactions…it’ll bring to the main event scene. Braun Strowman…godspeed…

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