Hold Me Back! The Top 3 Reasons You Haven't Made It
By Michael Klink
@michael_klink
3/4/18
I recently had the pleasure of attending an NXT Live event in my home state of Michigan. Without the constraints of a weekly linear storyline to worry about, some of the best young wrestlers on the planet were able to go out, be themselves, and absolutely tear the house down. From the pull of the curtain to the mixed tag main event every match got over, with nary a beach ball in sight.
When you get to be up close and personal with these characters, it’s unfathomable that they don’t all become household names. You see the sweat on their bodies, you hear the grunts of effort as they dead-lift each other, and cringe as knife-edge chops connect with a wet water noodle ferocity. The question then becomes, if so many of these performers have “it”, why the heck aren’t they dominating Monday nights or main eventing this month’s pay per view? Let’s take a look at some of the reasons your favorite superstar may not be “over”:
1) Height
Making it in the WWE/NXT often seems like a roller coaster’s “You Must Be This Tall To Ride” measuring stick. You can almost imagine as average wrestlers standing on tiptoes to grab that brass ring, only to be overshadowed by a lankier armed colleague. There are exceptions to the low ceiling for short people. Unfortunately though, characters like Daniel Bryan or Rey Mysterio prove to be the exception to the rule. While professional wrestling is “fake”, with all of the outcomes being predetermined, plausibility and believability still come into play. In essence, an audience can buy into a 5’9 200 pounder defeating a 6’1 225 pounder, but the idea of a luchador like Gran Metalik Frankensteining his way to victory over Braun Strowman would hurt the credibility of the 6’8 350+ behemoth. How would the audience be able to buy into Strowman being imposing if he can lose to somebody the size of the average audience attendee?
It’s a valid point, but one that makes the average Adam Cole fan shudder to consider. He’s a charismatic figure that can rub elbows with the greatest heel minds of all time-from Flair, to Jericho, and 90’s Shawn Michaels. He’s billed as 6’1 and weighing 210 pounds, but he’s often dwarfed by more stereotypically sized professional wrestlers. We’ll learn in the coming months and years if his off the charts self-awareness can compensate for his less than intimidating stature.
(Some of my favorite Cole-isms: his low-key entrance where he waits 90 seconds to mouth they lyric “boom” from his music; he’ll cockily request a feats of strength with his larger opponent and then resort to underhanded gut kicks instead of following through; he’s chatty in the ring, not only shoving a seated opponent off the top turnbuckle, but taunting “cya later!” as he does it)
Notable Victims of Height: Finn Balor, Sami Zayn, Neville, Tazz, the cast of 205 Live
2. Music
Pretend you’re the commanding officer of a battle platoon and you have to choose one song to lead your troops into battle. Here are you four options:
A) A heavy metal Motorhead song about war being a game and you know all the tricks.
B) A heavy metal song from Living Color about your ability to influence the masses
C) A Funeral Death March preceded by an ominous gong
D) A dashboard confessional about summer time driving music
If you chose any of the first three songs you probably have a desire to win your next battle and not be riddled with bullets. If you chose the fourth song, you probably enjoy making Woo Woo noises while going hair gel shopping.
Zack Ryder never had a chance at being taken seriously and I’d argue it starts before he even hits the entrance ramp. Switching from power pop to heavy metal would make Ryder a completely different person. Wrestling is all about judging a book based on its cover. If we like the cover we’re willing to turn a few pages and learn some details about that book. In a “sport” that rewards physical strength and/or the ability to intimidate/taunt, soft pop songs that sing about turning up the volume without making you want to do so, will not be successful.
While it’s true that some characters can make lighter songs work in their favor (Golddust, Bray Wyatt, Bobby Roode) it makes it much easier to succeed if you’re not already working behind the 8-ball.
Notable victims: Dolph Ziggler, Matt Hardy (both of the Woken and Tornado Slapping variety), Bayley, 3MB (a perfect example based on what 2 of the 3 band members use now), Johnny Gargano, Fandango, Funkasaurus,
3 Being a Non-White Male
To open, the reason the women aren’t included is because we’ve actually had a fairly consistent batch of non-white female champions over the years, from Jacqlyn, to Sasha Banks, to Lita, who’ve eventually given way to characters like Asuka and Ember Moon.
Maybe it’s due to WWE’s constant reminders of how in touch they are with Black History Month that this needs to be mentioned again on Brothers of Discussion. Over the course of this past February, WWE debuted a handful of tribute videos paying homage to the black Civil Rights heroes of the United States. WWE recorded footage of the performers visiting museums and giving feedback on their experiences. It’s moving to see the performers break character and reflect on the sacrifices that our ancestors have taken to improve racial equality. My main beef is that WWE has very few in-ring examples of their own progression for minority inclusion.
Historically pro wrestling has championed men with two distinct characteristics: chiseled bodies and tan skin. When tanned white men aren’t wearing the gold, the next most common complexion comes from people with naturally olive looking skin: think of The Rock, Roman Reigns, and recently, Jinder Mahal. After tan white men and men that could pass as tanned white men, then you start to get into your pale skinned white men like Sheamus or Bob Backlund.
Yes, a few of the forthcoming victims of this trend have held World Heavyweight Championships, but exactly zero of them have ever held the more prestigious WWE Championship.
Notable victims: Ahmad Johnson, Booker T, Kofi Kingston, Big E, Xavier Woods, Apollo Crews, Titus O’Neal, Mark Henry, Ron Simmons, Bobby Lashley.
