by Michael Klink (@michael_klink)
1/20/18
30 years in the making, the Royal Rumble is a well-oiled machine. A 60 minute match that gives TV time to 30 members of the roster. While the final outcomes of the event have led to grumbles and sour faces, the event itself is perfectly designed, weaving in elements of drama, comedy, intrigue, and anticipation. With that said, I think it’s worth examining some opportunities to further optimize the experience for the fans
So how do you improve it? We’ve seen what adding more competitors to the match can do, creating a bit of a slog when you’re at entrant 18 and there’s still 20+ more entrances (and inevitable eliminations) that have to occur. I also don’t think it would necessarily be to the benefit of the viewer to increase or decrease the time between entrants. Too long and the action can get stale, with potentially low-interest characters having to shoulder more entertainment responsibilities. You also don’t want to go much shorter than 90 seconds because you’ll barely have time to process the in-ring action before the next 10 second countdown begins.
So, within the confines of the 30 man match, with new entries every 90 seconds, here’s some ideas to spice up the best WWE event of the year:
Moneyball Entrants
Anyone who’s watched the NBA’s 3 point shot contest at the All-Star Weekend already has an idea of where I’m going with this. In the contest, a shooter progresses around the 3 point line with racks of balls at different points on the court. Each rack has 4 standard NBA balls and one “moneyball” that counts for extra points in the contest.
Why not have a certain slot in the Rumble match be a “moneyball” entrant? The match is bookended by the excitement of who comes first, and who is the odds-on favorite to win by drawing lucky number 30. What if at number 15, whoever draws that number, becomes the moneyball? Eliminating that person gains you an extra elimination, where you can summon a friend or if by chance you were to be eliminated, you get to jump back in the game!
Now what is in store for the poor soul who draws 15? Do they get 10 minutes of immunity? How did they get such poor luck? Was it random chance? I say no, which leads into my next idea…
Qualifying Matches
WWE has a massive roster going right now, with wholly unique characters across 4 different programs. With that said, why do we get away from qualifying matches? We’ve seen them in the past, with wrestlers grappling for the opportunity to draw favorable entrance spots. Why not bring that back to put more at stake. The system now, with wrestlers “declaring” themselves entrants diminishes the value of a spot. The stakes in the match are massive (relatively speaking wrestling wise) so why isn’t there more of a fuss being made about what an opportunity the characters have? Guys who’ve been toiling away in pre-show matches or stuck in future-less feuds have a chance to headline Wrestlemania. The commentators make a point to mention that the night of, but this is a lottery opportunity to change your life! You aren’t looking at getting hit by lighting, you’re looking at one out of 30. It’s not impossible and the rewards are so lucrative, that more characters should be hungrily eying a chance at their first chance at real gold.
Tying back into the “moneyball” idea, if we go ahead with a series of pre-Rumble qualifying matches, why not have a “Mr. Irrelevant”, somebody who loses these matches, get the unenviable position of 15? It’s starting to come together. Seguing from the “moneyball”, and qualifying matches, with such an important reward at the end of the road, that brings us to the next crazy idea for the Rumble…
No Comedy
Anybody that listens to enough wrestling podcasts and interviews knows that Vince McMahon isn’t in the wrasslin’ business, he’s in the entertainment business, but hear me out. What if for one year, there was no comedy in the Rumble?
The match is lengthy, going over an hour with no breaks to remind us to subscribe to the WWE Network, so the comedy can help add some energy and reengage the crowd. However, with the stakes at hand, does it make sense, as a one year experiment, to make this a more serious affair? This is some superstars’ single opportunity to headline Wrestlemania for the gold, and they’re bringing umbrellas, or leprechauns, or microphones to the ring? In the past 18 months, two of WWE’s more successful events were the Mae Young Classic and Crusierweight Tournament where wrestlers battled with everything on the line through March Madness-like seedings. They were largely humorless because they were about superstars proving themselves to the world in the scope of 15 minutes
. Sure eliminating comedy could make the match a little less “fun”, but it would boost the credibility of every participant. Instead of assuming bottom-feeder characters like Bo Dallas or Apollo Crews are just happy to be there, they’d get to display desperate emotion and motivation to finally crawl out of the doldrums and make something of their careers. We’d get to see that the entire roster is on the mountain, trying to reach the summit, instead of just seeing the usual 3-4 characters gunning for championship glory.
Speaking the usual 3-4 characters, historically, the Rumble winners (and title holders) for the most part look like a list of US Presidents: white.
26 of the 31 winners of the 30 Rumbles (you read that correctly, 1994 featured two winners in a tie) so far have been white. We’ve had a mix of pure-blooded Canadians and redneck US winners, but non-whites have had a tough time coming out on top. That’s why, my last wild suggestion for a Rumble change-up is…
One Real Surprise Winner
Of the 5 non-white winners, 2 got to embrace their Latin heritage in Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio, two of them were of proud Samoan decent in the Rock and Roman Reigns, and one more was billed as Japanese though also came from a Samoan background.
In addition, most of the time, you can make an educated guess about who the victor is going to be, whether you’re watching during the height of Hulk Hogan’s popularity, or checked in during the late 90’s with Stone Cold Steve Austin’s mega push, or looking at a more contemporary example with John Cena striving to topple Ric Flair’s record of championship reigns.
It doesn’t have to be every year that this occurs, but just once, one wild victory should occur. You could say that Mysterio or Benoit’s victories might count, since they weren’t Wrestlemania regulars before that. But due to Benoit’s demise, his victory isn’t even mentioned on TV, while Mysterio’s victory is looked at as more of a tribute to Eddie Guerrerro. I get that the WWE is a business and fans might lose their minds paying money to watch Bo Dallas double clothesline Finn Balor and Nakamura over the top rope to take home the victory, but why not a Nakamura? Why not a member of the New Day? A formidable faction that could cut incredible promos could definitely carry a Wrestlemania main event.
Who knows if any of these ideas will come to fruitition (you do, they won’t) but a Women’s Royal Rumble was a dream at one point too. See you on January 28th!
